How to Speak Troll Without Starting a Dance-Off
Trolls don’t speak English. They speak Trollish™, which sounds like someone gargling oatmeal while laughing.
Luckily, I’ve learned a few phrases:
“Grunk flibble soup-wob?”
Translation: “Your spoon belt is excellent.”
Use this. Often. Trolls love compliments.
“Plarp snoot bugaboo!”
Translation: “Tell me a joke or I’m leaving.”
Trolls will take this as a challenge. Be ready.
“Zippity blonk.”
Translation: “I have cupcakes.”
You will immediately become their favorite.
Never say:
“Your ears are unusually shaped.”
Trolls are very sensitive about this.
Pro tip: If all else fails, laugh loudly and offer soup.
Most trolls will assume you’re friendly and slightly unhinged — which they respect.